


Almost

by sternchencas



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Genie/Djinn, Blood, Case Fic, First Kiss, M/M, Vampires, spn usual violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-28
Updated: 2018-01-28
Packaged: 2019-03-10 15:00:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13503966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sternchencas/pseuds/sternchencas
Summary: Dean finds himself in more and more different situations that always end the same way. He almost kisses Cas. Will he manage to do it in the end?





	Almost

Dean turns another corner, trying his best to hold his rapid breath. He listens to the sounds in the distance. The fight is raging on. That’s a good sign, but he’s still afraid. He takes a deep breath and starts running again, deeper into the maze of dark tunnels. Sam told him to remember the path, but he can’t think straight. Sure, Cas is an angel, but he’s not at full power. And taking on a whole nest of vamps by himself might not be the best idea.

Dean comes to a crossroad but doesn’t slow down. The closer he gets, the more he just knows where to go, almost like he can feel the angel. He reaches the end of another corridor when a bright light explodes in front of him. He stops and shields his eyes until his surroundings become dark again. It’s silent now. Too silent. Dean lifts his machete, ready to defend himself, and steps around the corner. A big hall opens up in front of him, bodies lying all over the floor, corpses by the look of it. 

Dean keeps walking and inspects the closest one. It’s one of the vamps, and although he‘s dead, he still has his head. His eyes are a different thing, though. It’s the same with the next two vamps. It looks like Cas chose the angel way and just burnt them out. Worry grows in Dean. They don’t know how much it affects Cas to use his powers. He told him a thousand times to take it slow. Damn angel. "Cas?!" Dean shouts into the width of the room, his voice coming back from the walls with an echo. "Cas, where are you?!"

It stays silent, and Dean’s heart starts racing again. This time it has nothing to do with the physical strain. Visions of Cas enter his head, bloody, broken. "Cas?!"

Dean shouts the name over and over again, running through the hall, checking every corpse. He has to find Cas. The angel has to be alive. He just has to.

When Dean can’t find Cas, his hand wanders to his phone. He needs help. Sam has to be right behind him. Maybe Cas is with him. He could have zapped out of here, that could have been the bright light. Dean tries to speed dial his brother, but his phone doesn’t have reception. He holds it up over his head, hoping desperately to make it work.

Dean’s face is growing hot; he can feel tears coming. There’s got to be something he can do. He has to find the angel. "Dammit, Cas."

The words just break out of him, only this time, he gets an answer. "Dean?"

It’s just a whisper, but Dean turns to the sound like a sniffer dog. He closes the distance to Cas in three big step and crouches down next to him. His eyes roam over his friend's body, making sure he’s not hurt.

"Cas, are you okay?" Dean asks, carefully taking Cas‘ face in his hands. Cas is covered in blood, but he nods.

"I’m okay.“ With Dean’s help, Cas gets into a sitting position, but as soon as Dean wants to let go of him, he sinks down again. "Or not."

Dean huffs and puts his arms around Cas to cradle him against his own body. "Are you hurt?"

"I don’t think so.“ Cas moves slightly to check himself. "Just exhausted."

"Yeah well, that’s what you get for not listening to me. You should have waited for Sam and me."

Cas disagrees. "The leader was getting away. There was no time."

Dean makes a sound like a growl. Of course, the stupid angel took his words too seriously. „When I said that we have to get him no matter what I didn’t mean for you to sacrifice yourself."

"I’m fine, Dean."

Dean doesn’t want to hear how Cas plays down what he just did. Again. Like he always does. Something hot is burning inside of him, and Dean wishes it was anger. But he knows better, and he might not be able to pretend this time. He’s so afraid to lose Cas that the mere thought is eating him up.

 "I was worried." Dean only manages a whisper, and when Cas turns his head to look up at Dean, Dean’s develops a mind of its own. His fingers trail from a scratch on Cas’ forehead over his cheek down to his chin. Cas doesn’t move, and while he keeps looking at Dean, Dean’s eyes wander down to Cas‘ lips. They have something magnetic about them. And Dean is so close already. He leans down and closes his eyes when the tiniest of sounds catches his attention.

It’s not a clear thought but only his hunter instinct when he grabs the machete next to him. He swings it upwards in one swift movement, cutting the vamp who tried to sneak up on them. The vamp stumbles back, but with Cas in his arm, there’s not much more Dean can do. The vampire catches himself quickly and comes closer again, but before he can reach them, there’s a flash of bright light, and he falls to the ground, dead like his companions.

 "Dammit, Cas, I told you…" Dean swallows the words when he looks down and finds Cas passed out again. He carefully puts him down to get up. With a sigh, Dean puts the machete on his belt and lifts Cas over his shoulder to finally get out of here. Two corridors later, Sam finds them and offers to carry Cas the rest of the way. Dean accepts. It might be a good idea to put some distance between them. Only now it dawns on Dean what just happened. He almost kissed Cas. Almost.

 

* * *

 

When Dean wakes up, light is trickling through the curtains, and Dean can feel the soft touch of the morning sun on his skin. He stretches extensively before getting up to take a shower. The water pressure is perfect, and Dean feels ready and refreshed after he toweled himself down. Only when he looks in the mirror and meets the eyes of his reflection, a strange feeling takes hold of him. Like he’s looking at somebody else.

 Dean shakes his head and smiles at himself. What a stupid thought. He’s still sleepy, that’s all. He walks back into the bedroom to get dressed which isn’t as easy as one might think. Cas has this bad habit of putting his clothes wherever he wants, preferably on top of Dean’s. Dean rifles through one of the drawers, pushing one of Cas shirts aside when an image crawls into his head. Cas in a beige trenchcoat.

 It’s gone as fast as it came and Dean shakes his head again. Where did that come from? After all, he’s pretty sure that Cas hasn’t worn such a coat in his entire life. Dean explains his weird thoughts with last night.

 He and Cas have been at Bobby’s, and Ellen made them play a drinking game with Jo. Dean stayed sober, but it still got late till they came home. He only got 5 hours of sleep compared to his usual 8. No wonder he was a little out of it.

 Deciding to just roll with it, Dean finally gets dressed and grabs his phone to call Sam. It’s not his brother who picks up though, but his wife. „Hey, Dean!“

 „Morning Jess, is Sam around?“

 „Sure, I’ll get him.“

 Dean can hear her put down the phone and the sound rings loudly in his head. Another picture forces its way into his head, and it‘s way worse than the other one. Jess is pressed against the ceiling, a silent scream on her face and flames all around her.

 „Hey, sorry Dean, I’ll be running late. Little Mary wasn’t well this morning, and I just wanted to make sure I don’t leave my wife alone with a sick baby.“

 Dean doesn’t answer, the image of Jess still soaring through his brain.

 „Dean, are you there?“ Sam asks.

 It takes Dean a moment, but he finally manages to answer. „Yes, sorry, I just…“

 „You what?“

 Dean runs a hand over his face. No more late nights for him. „I guess I had a bad dream and it’s just getting back to me.“

 Sam laughs. „Late night at Bobby’s, huh? You’re getting too old for this kind of thing.“

 „I guess.“ Dean smiles when he thinks about their plans for today. „But I’m sure as hell not too old for some fishing. And we both know who’s going to bring in the big ones.“

 „Oh, you wait. I have some special bait.“

 „Finally done something useful with your hair?“

 „No, idiot.“

 It’s just friendly banter, but the word still sounds wrong. „Jerk,“ Dean exclaims.

 „What?“

 „It’s supposed to be jerk.“

 „Whatever you wanna call yourself. Listen, I’ll just say bye to Jess and the kids an then I’m on my way. See you in a bit.“

 Sam hangs up, and Dean stares at the phone. Why did that jerk thing bother him? It must have been part of the dream as well. Dean sighs. It’s high time to get some breakfast. Maybe he’s just suffering from low blood sugar.

 Dean walks down the stairs and follows the smell of coffee. The source is a fresh pot in the kitchen, and after Dean poured himself a cup and had his first few sips, somebody enters the kitchen behind him.

 „Hi, Dean!“

 The words send a shiver down Dean’s spine. Just like with the jerk thing, they don’t seem right. Dean turns around and finds Cas standing at the kitchen table, arranging flowers he brought in from the garden.

 It’s a beautiful sight. Cas‘ hair is a ruffled, and he has some earth on his hands and a bit on his cheek because he somehow never manages to stay clean when he does his gardening. His clothes magically survived this time, though. The shirt he’s wearing is one of Dean’s, and even his jeans are clean. „Let me just get cleaned up and I’ll whip up some eggs for you.“

 Cas cooking for him? Dean’s stomach turns, and he can’t stop looking at Cas clothes. Everything is in order and still somehow wrong. Cas turns around, wiping his hands on a towel and then he stretches out his arms like he’s presenting himself to Dean. His body seems to flicker at that moment like he’s only a hologram. The image alternates between the Cas before him and one where Cas is wearing this weird trench coat again.

 Dean rubs his eyes. He’s awake now. It has to stop. Cas walks over to him, raising his eyebrows. „Are you alright, Dean?“

 Even the way Cas says his name is wrong in Dean’s ears. His voice is too high, too happy, too relaxed. There’s no desperation or the heavy weight of someone knowing exactly who you are and what you’ve been through.  

Cas puts a hand on Dean’s shoulder, but Dean recoils because it’s the wrong one. Dean looks up, and when he meets Cas‘ eyes, he knows for sure that something is wrong. Cas is looking at him, just touching the surface, not like he usually does, looking through all the layers of bullshit and right into Dean’s soul.

 Now everything makes sense to Dean. The whole morning. Bobby, Ellen, Jo, and Jess still being alive. His brother is having a family and enjoying to go on fishing trips with him. Hell, the six hours of sleep should have been a red flag already.

 Dean has no idea how he managed to get caught by a djinn again, kind of embarrassing, but at least he knows how to get out. At least in theory.

 Cas closed the distance between them, and although he doesn’t look at Dean like he usually does, it’s still not unpleasant, just different. When Cas reaches Dean, he carefully runs a hand through his hair. „Dean, did you sleep alright? You look worried.“

 His hand travels down, carefully cupping Dean’s cheek and Dean can feel his insides melt. He knows he shouldn’t, but he still leans into the touch. It makes him wonder if that is what it would feel like if the real Cas touched him like that or if it would feel different like everything else.

 But different isn't bad. Dean has a fluffy bed, a nice shower, all his friends, and Cas. Cas, who doesn’t fight, but tends to his garden. Cas, who doesn’t heal his wounds, but makes him breakfast. Cas, who doesn’t disappear on him, but is close. So wonderfully close.

 „I just… I had a bad dream.“

 Dean does his best to believe those words. This world is real. And the death and destruction is the dream. A bad dream he can leave behind. Cas smiles. „Let me try to make you forget.“

 He leans in, and Dean can’t help but stare at his lips. He’s almost kissing Cas. Almost.

 Before Cas can reach him, Dean steps away. He would love nothing more than to stay, but this isn’t real, and if there’s just the slightest chance for him to have a first kiss with Cas, he wants it to be real.

 

* * *

 

“Dean, are you okay?” Sam leans forward in his seat to get a better look at Dean while Dean keeps staring straight ahead at the road.

 “Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”

 Sam shrugs. “I know it’s early, but you seem, I don’t know, distracted.”

 Knowing his brother, Dean tries to come up with an excuse or Sam will probe him the whole drive. “Just a bad dream.”

 “Another one? You’ve been having bad dreams almost every night since we hunted that djinn.”

 Dean grunts. Maybe he should have said nothing after all. Now they’re going to have this discussion anyway. “I thought we agreed not to bring that up again.”

 Sam gives him an apologetic puppy look. “I just thought…”

 “Don’t, okay?! I’m fine.” Dean raises his voice a bit, and his tone tells Sam to let it go.

 For a moment it looks like Dean succeeded because Sam is typing away on his keyboard, but five minutes later, he looks at Dean again. “I called Cas. Just in case.”

 The mention of Cas’ name spikes Dean’s blood pressure, and his fingers close tighter around the steering wheel. “In case of what? We don’t even know if there’s something supernatural going on.”

 “You said there was a case.” Sam raises his voice as well, not taking Dean’s crappy mood any longer.

 “Yeah, and you said it might be nothing.”

 Sam puts on one of his bitch faces and tries to contain the anger in his voice. “Do you want me to call Cas and tell him not to come?”

 “No!” The word shoots out of Dean, and he hates himself for it. After what happened with the djinn, Dean thought it was best to stay away from Cas as much as possible, but they haven’t seen each other in two weeks, and Dean has to admit that he misses Cas like crazy. And it’s not like he can stay away forever. Dean should try to Deal with it.

 Lucky for Dean, Sam doesn’t press the issue. He finally keeps quiet for the rest of the drive and soon after, they’re in a room at the place where some of the guests found a mysterious demise.

 Dean is checking the mini bar when Sam comes back from the bathroom, taking a critical look around. “Do you think it’s a good idea to stay in the place where three people died?”

 “It’s not like we have many options.”

 Dean straightens his tie and throws another one to Sam who shrugs in agreement. They’re in a small town in the middle of nowhere, and only a specific type of people come here. Couples.

 After a look around the room, Dean shudders. “Let’s just get this over with and get out of here. This place gives me the creeps.”

 Sam huffs a laugh. “You’re acting like it’s a haunted house instead of a romantic B&B.”

 “Yeah,” Dean squares his shoulders and walks to the door, “same thing.”

 They do their usual routine and question everyone of importance. It doesn’t turn up very much, so Dean decides to take a look around while Sam does his beloved research. While trying to avoid all the deeply-in-love-couples, Dean makes his way around the house, discreetly checking his EMF meter. There’s a little bit of activity, but that’s not unusual for a place like this. Eventually, he ends up in front of a room at the end of the last corridor. It’s locked, but it takes Dean only a few seconds to open it up.

Dark, heavy curtains cover the windows, letting only a little bit of light come in from the outside, illuminating the dusty air. Dean scrunches his nose to keep himself from sneezing and walks deeper into the room. Old wooden furniture take up the whole space, probably the former furnishing of the B&B. He’s about to leave the room again when something catches his eye. In one corner stands something big with a white sheet draped over it. Being the horror movie fan he is, he should leave this alone, but a second later he tucks at the sheet and finds a massive mirror under it. So far so good, but he’s not a complete idiot. He gets out his phone and texts Sam where he is. Only then, he takes a deep breath and steps in front of the mirror.

At first, nothing happens. It’s just Dean in his suit, the EMF meter still in his hand. He puts it in his pocket when another person appears. It’s Cas. Dean wants to turn around, thinking that Cas finally arrived to help them with the case, but he can’t. Dean is frozen on the spot and doomed to keep looking.

In the mirror, Cas comes closer to him, and mirror-Dean turns to Cas. Without pause, he embraces him and the scene changes again and again. It’s always Cas and him. At a restaurant eating together, in the bunker watching a movie, in a diner with Sam, at the movies, at a lake fishing, driving in the Impala, being on a hunt, even fighting monsters.

 The only difference is how the two of them interact. They are closer somehow like they finally tore down a wall that kept them apart all these years. The last picture Dean sees is the two of them in Dean’s bed in the bunker, kissing and cuddling before they fall asleep.

“Dean, are you in here?” Dean finally manages to turn away from the mirror and almost runs into Sam when he tries to leave. “There you are. Did you find something?”

“No, nothing.” Dean knows it’s stupid to lie about this, but he needs time to process what he just saw. “You?”

Sam looks irritated, but nods. “Rumors are going around about a special mirror. It reads a little like Harry Potter. Apparently, it shows you your deepest desire.”

“A mirror?” Dean screams internally. Of course, he had to bump into precisely the stupid thing they are looking for.

“Yeah, did you see something?” Sam stretches his neck to look past Dean and Dean nods.

“In the corner right there.”

 Sam squints and looks at Dean quizzically. “Where? There’s no mirror.”

 Dean turns around and can’t believe it. The sheet he pulled away is still on the floor, but the big ass mirror is gone. “It was right here. I just saw it.”

 “Did you see it?” Sam’s eyes narrow. “Or did you look into it?”

 “Why?”

 “The stories go that anybody who looks into it is haunted by what they saw and that the mirror disappears afterward. I’m guessing it's a cursed object.”

 “Awesome.”

Dean sighs and Sam furrows his brows. “You looked into it, didn’t you?”

 “Of course I did, what do you think?”

 Dean can see how Sam is forming a question in his mind and after considering if he should ask, he finally says something. “So, what did you see?”

 It’s one of those rare times when Dean gives Sam a bitch face and not the other way around. Sam lifts his hands. “Come on. I just want to know if it might be dangerous. You might go after whatever it is.”

 “I’m fine, okay?! Let’s just get rid of this thing.”

 Just as he says it, the hairs on his neck stand up and a feeling like electricity tickles all over his body. “Something is coming,” he whispers in warning to Sam, but before his brother can react, another voice cuts the silence.

 “Hello, Dean.” The brothers both sigh in relief when Castiel comes closer. “Sam.”

 Sam smiles. “Hey, Cas.”

 Dean wants to greet Cas as well, but instead of just words, his whole body is longing to get closer and at least hug Cas. Dean does his best not to follow through on the impulse and just nods. Sam gives him a weird look but turns to Cas. “How did you find us?”

 “I came here like you told me, and then I followed Dean’s prayer.”

 The words earn Dean another questioning look from Sam, so Dean tries to change the subject. “Can we just look for the damn mirror?”

 “Sure. Cas, did you bring the book?” Castiel hands a book to Sam who looks pleased. “There should be something in here to destroy the mirror. I’ll take a look, and meanwhile, the two of you can find the damn thing again. It should still be in the house.”

Cas nods and Dean wants to protest, but that would raise questions, both from Sam and Cas. Instead, Dean takes a deep breath and points along the corridor. “Let’s check the rooms up here and then we’ll work our way back down to the basement.”

Sam heads back to the lobby to get comfy with his book while Cas and Dean check the house as discreetly as possible. At least that doesn’t give them much room to be alone, and they split up from time to time.

Dean uses those breaks to get himself under control because his urge to grab Cas and hug him - or do even worse - hasn’t seized at all. Every time Cas throws him a look to signal that they should move on, Dean feels a pull inside of him that forces him to get closer to Cas, and whenever he comes into reach, heat rises in Dean’s body. By the time they reach the basement, Dean is sure he’ll go up in flames any second.

 “Dean?” Just the way Cas says his name sends shivers down Dean’s spine and before he can reply, Cas speaks again. “I think I found it.”

 Dean follows Cas’ voice and finds him in front of the mirror. His gaze is fixed on his reflexion and Dean wonders if cursed objects work on angels. Maybe not, and Cas wouldn’t see the same thing he did.

 Dean pulls out his phone and texts Sam where they are before walking over to Cas who still looks into the mirror. “What is it?”

 Finally, Cas turns his head and looks at Dean like he’s seen a ghost. So maybe it does work on angels. Cas’ expression makes Dean curious after all. “What did you see?”

Cas’ eyes flicker back to the mirror. “It’s like a different reality. Where everything is possible.”

Dean should have known. Of course, Cas doesn’t just see something ordinary. There’s probably galaxies in there. Whole new versions of heaven and earth. A place where God hasn’t abandoned them. There’s no place for a simple human.

“We should go and get Sam.” Dean wants to walk away, but Cas’ gaze gets even more intense.

 “I see you.”

 “Buddy, I’m right here.”

 “Not here.” Cas turns to Dean. “In the mirror.”

Dean’s heart skips a beat. What could Cas see in the mirror that involves him? Dean steps closer, and although he knows that he shouldn’t, he can’t help looking in the mirror again. “What do you see?”

“A version of you that’s never been to hell.”

The words sting and Dean takes a step back again. “So what exactly is your deepest desire? A less damaged version of me or that you’ve never met me in the first place?”

“You misunderstand me.” Cas tares his eyes away from the mirror and watches Dean with a worried expression. “I’m sorry you had to go through that. I wish I could have done something sooner. I might have been able to save you before you even went to hell.”

“Hey, you did your part.” This time Dean doesn’t fight the urge to come closer. He didn’t know that Cas felt so upset about it and he wants to make it better. “I’ve never thanked you for that.”

“Dean…” Cas raises his hand in an attempt to stop him, but Dean grabs it instead to shut him up.

“Let me say this, okay? Back then I wasn’t exactly your biggest fan, and yes, God might have told you to get me, but that doesn’t change what you did. There’s a reason why people use the words ‘going to hell’ for somebody, and you actually did it. I was torn, and you put me back together. You still do.”

“Dean…” Cas’ voice is softer this time like he's touched by Dean's sentiment.

Dean cuts him off with a smile and squeezes Cas’ hand. “Thank you.”

Finally, Cas takes the praise, and somehow Dean managed to get even closer to him while they were talking. He knows he should let go of Cas’ hand, but this is nice, it’s what he wants.

 He keeps staring at Cas’ eyes like he’s looking into the mirror again. Maybe he could have what he saw; he’d just have to make the first step. Dean leans forward, just a tiny bit, testing the waters. Maybe this time he could finally have what he desires.

 “So get this, according to the book it’s pretty easy to get rid of the mirror.” Sam storms into the room with purpose and Dean has to let go of Cas’ hand when Sam hands him a box of salt, his eyes still on the book. “And it’s from the men of letters library, so it’s not just guesswork, but they did it before.”

 Only when there’s no reaction from Cas or Dean, Sam looks up. “Are you guys alright?”

 “Yeah, sure,” Dean says, not daring to look at Cas. “What do we do?”

 Sam runs a finger down the page. “Draw a few symbols on the mirror, surround it with salt and smash it. It’s fairly easy.”

 He closes the book with a loud thud and smiles. “Take a long last look because this thing is going down.”

 It’s just a phrase, but Dean does take a look, and from the corner of his eye he can see that Cas does, too.

 

* * *

 

Dean feels like they’ve been through every book in the men of letters library without finding anything. Jody called to ask them for help and Sam enlisted Dean to hit the books with him instead of just driving there.

 ‘Jody can handle it.’ were Sam’s words and Dean agrees, but he would have liked the excuse to go on the road and kill something. He can’t concentrate on the case anyway.

Since he’s looked in that stupid mirror, he keeps thinking about all the things he could have. And even worse is his memory of his conversation with Cas. He almost kissed him. He can never know for sure, but he thinks he would have done it this time if Sam hasn’t walked in.

But again, he only almost did it. Almost. Why can’t he just freaking do it?

“I thought you might need a refreshment.”

Dean was so caught up in his thoughts that he didn’t notice when Cas came in. He’s standing in the doorway with a six pack of beer and a round box that must be pie.

“I’m good for now, thanks.” Sam lifts the beer bottle that’s been sitting on his desk and turns back to his book, but Dean gets on his feet. 

There’s a storm raging inside of him, and he doesn’t need the spells of monsters or cursed objects to do what he should have done way sooner. He walks up to Cas, everything finally clear in his mind and not a single speck of doubt in his heart. 

Like so many times before he stares into the eyes of his angel and Cas stares back, like he’s waiting for something. So Dean leans in and kisses him. 

It’s a soft brush of their lips before they touch their foreheads together and Cas exhales one slow breath just like Dean.

Sam, on the other hand, spits his beer all over his desk and Dean will forever scold him later for ruining the moment. While taking up the books to save them from the spill, Sam keeps staring at Cas and Dean.

 “Dean, what the hell?! I thought you were fine. It was the witch from yesterday, wasn’t it? Did she get you with something?”

Dean slowly moves his head away to look at his brother, but still stays close to Cas. “No, Sammy. I don’t need a witch or a djinn or a stupid mirror. That’s all me. I was just so…”

He’s not sure how to finish the sentence, but Cas reaches for his hand with a soft smile and does it for him. “You were so sick of the almost. Me too, Dean.”

**Author's Note:**

> This story is inspired by the beautiful [art of Heike](http://cas-watches-over-you.tumblr.com/post/118060185680/you-and-i-maybe-just-maybe-we-could-be). Check it out and give her some love :)
> 
> If you want to say hi to me, you can find me on [tumblr](http://sternchencas.tumblr.com) as well. 
> 
> Kudos and comments are highly appreciated and would make me the happiest little star :D


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